Jesus Christ has an ubitiquous presence on Facebook, despite having the obvious setback of being a deity with no conceivable way to use a computer (unless he is one of the lucky few that got chosen by Google to beta test Google Glass). Now, his father was a hard entity to get ahold of, but after countless e-mailing back and forth, I finally got ahold of God to shed some light on this matter.
Thank you for granting me this interview! How do you feel that your son is constantly wasting his time on Facebook? I mean, aren’t there more important things for him to be doing?
You’re welcome. I am a BUSY deity, as I’m sure you can imagine, but I have a few minutes of down time as I am waiting on my microwaveable burrito to finish cooking. Now, to answer your question: I have a major problem with it. This is not my son on Facebook, these are imposters using his name in vain. I’m pretty sure that Jesus would not post things like this:
I mean, COME ON! Ministry work, my angelic ass. This is nothing but a popularity contest for underpaid interns with minimal grasps of Adobe Photoshop. Although, I previously answered this question in my #1 best-selling book:
“You shall not misuse the name of the LORD your God, for the LORD will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name.”
Wow. So, from what you’re saying, this is actually some of your followers making libelous statements. I’m shocked though, I’ve NEVER heard of ANYBODY misinterpreting the Bible.
Oh, it happens much more frequently than you would imagine…
I was being sarcastic.
Ahh, I see. LOL!
Anyway…so what do you think of these two pictures? Do Facebook likes really have a direct correlation to one’s faith in Christianity?
OMG, those pictures piss me off. First off, who the hell are these self-righteous “Jesus Daily” blasphemers? I’m sure that my son would never associate with these fools. But, to answer your question: Yes. One must have a minimum of 150 Facebook friends, and a mean average of 10 likes per Facebook status, in order to be let into Heaven.
Wow, looks like I better strengthen my online presence then, huh?
(both of us end up laughing, cheesy 1970’s cartoon style)
Well, that wraps up the interview. Thank you for your time, and enjoy that burrito.