Facebook is every company’s dream: (mostly) free advertising, huge exposure, and plenty of mindless morons who readily lap up their inane posts. Now, I know I shouldn’t expect too much, but some of this stuff is just plain lazy.
1. Reeds Jewelers
When my wife had our son a few months ago, she told me about something called a “push gift”. Now, I thought she was making this up, and this was some joke. Well, evidently, this phenomenon does exist, as evidenced by this overpriced and generically designed necklace. Seriously, this was probably some existing design, and some marketing genius was like, “Hey, this vaguely looks like a mother and child, let’s call it that and try to sell all this backstock!”
All I have to say is: if men can have “phantom pregnancy pains”, and this is actually an acknowledged thing by the medical community, then I want a push gift too! Don’t worry honey, just get me a case of beer and a “Father Of The Year” t-shirt, and we’ll call it even.
2. Ford Motor Company
Now this is lazy advertising. Using an optical illusion that a first-grader could easily figure out (but, judging from the comments, not most middle-aged women), they have attempted to create a dialogue on their new F-150 truck. It really is a fantastic truck, but their marketing department needs to leave the cheap designs to their CAD-CAM department. I mean, it’s bad enough that we all had to suffer through the retro-styled Thunderbird years ago, let’s not go down that path again.
Ok, this is what happens when you let social media managers write about things that they have no idea what they’re talking about. Clumsily used football analogies aren’t the best way to relate to your customers. And, let’s face it, your customer base is probably bigger fans of Real Housewives Of New Jersey than they are of the Football Giants of New York. But, instead of “passing back” my rebate, you could hand it off for a rush, or playaction fake it to someone else. C’mon K-Mart, just bomb it down the field, the “Hail Mary” was pretty much the football equivalent of your marketing schemes of the past decade, anyways.
4. Nationwide Insurance
The company that brought you such memorable soundbites as “We care about our customers, because we don’t have shareholders”, and “we’ll replace your things with brand new things” has now entered the pet advice department. Of course, such common sense tips like “give your nasty ass pet a bath” aren’t listed on here. Hey Nationwide, we all still haven’t forgotten your prominent role in the sub-prime mortgage crisis a few years ago. Instead of offering us unrequited pet care advice, try offering us something of value. Like the houses that were repossessed due to your incompetence. “Nationwide is on your side”…my ass.
5. National Rifle Association
Seemingly taking a page from Puff Daddy’s “Vote Or Die” campaign a few years ago, here is the NRA offering their not-so-subtle views on voting. Prove it? Oh hell yeah I’ll prove it motherfucker, I’ll walk right up to my voting precinct as I’m open carrying an AR-15. Of course, I won’t vote for any politician that takes
bribes lobbyist donations from the NRA. Is that OK, Mr. LaPierre? Yeah…I didn’t think so.
Now, dear companies: if you are actually going to pay money to sponsor these idiotic ads, then at least put some semblance of creativity in them. It can be done, trust me. If I wanted to see narcissistic, histrionic, lazy drivel, then I’d just read the status updates in my news feed!
Till next time…