The NFL has a long history of Super Bowls, and a long history of providing boring halftime entertainment for them. The top three acts that are in consideration for next years Super Bowl are Katy Perry, Rihanna, and Coldplay. While NFL execs might secretly fantasize about Katy Perry having a wardrobe malfunction, the rest of us are sick and tired of such mediocre entertainment. This is why I propose having a REAL source of entertainment: the band GWAR. Since they have reformed with a new vocalist, this is a remote possibility. C’mon Internet, let’s help make this happen! Here’s why:
Former lead vocalist Dave Brockie was a huge NFL fan.
The rest of the world might better remember him as Oderus Urungus, but Brockie was in fact a huge Washington Redskins fan. He even wrote football themed articles for the metal website MetalSucks. Since he passed away earlier this year, what better way to honor him than to have GWAR play the Super Bowl?
Metal fans and football players have something in common.
It is a known fact that headbanging and mosh pits can trigger head trauma, which can theoretically develop into CTE (chronic traumatic encephalopathy). Football players are being diagnosed with CTE more and more, nowadays. Let us metal fans show solidarity with our football playing brethren, as we too understand how it feels to have massive headaches and wild mood swings (although, ours are more often triggered by Jager bombs, cocaine, and guitar breakdowns).
GWAR is one of the most exciting visual acts of our generation.
I had the privilege of seeing GWAR perform back in 2000, and of course, I was right in the front row. Having no knowledge of what was to come next, I was wholly unprepared for the onslaught of fake blood and vomit that I would be eventually covered in. It was one of the greatest experiences of my youth! *wipes tear*
Imagine this happening on a massively televised event such as the Super Bowl. I don’t know about you, but it sure brings a smile to my jaded face!
Pay to play? Not a problem.
So the NFL wants to charge acts to play the Super Bowl? Been there, done that. Metal festivals routinely charge bands for the opportunity to play second stages on festivals. Now, GWAR isnt what we would consider a financially viable band, but in this age of Kickstarter, I’m sure we can make this happen. If we can crowdsource over $50,000 for a bowl of motherfucking potato salad, then I guarantee that we can make this happen.
And…the “X Factor”.
We already know what will happen if Katy Perry or Rihanna takes the stage: they will dance their asses off while barely keeping up with their pre-recorded vocal tracks. Which is still more exciting than a Coldplay performance. But if GWAR takes the stage? All bets are off. Everybody will tune in just to see what will happen! The ratings possibilities are huge. Money talks, and this could translate into the most talked about Super Bowl ever.
What do you think? Comment below, and let me know!