Lazy advertising on Facebook: Part 3

Facebook is every company’s dream: (mostly) free advertising, huge exposure, and plenty of mindless morons who readily lap up their inane posts. Now, I know I shouldn’t expect too much, but some of this stuff is just plain lazy.

1. Crutchfield

Putting up simple math equations isn’t the most clever way to interact with your customer base. More and more companies do it, and it’s just lazy. If I were the conspiracy minded type, I’d wager that these companies note the people who answer these questions and get them wrong, and then overcharge them on their purchases when they buy products.

Then again, I’m no conspiracy theorist. Just an armchair copywriter.




2. Hot Topic

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Ahh, good old Hot Topic. The arbiter of chubby suburban faux-goth fashion. I have to take exception to this statement, however: there is NO way that ANY company likes music more than people. Music doesn’t buy XXXL Green Day hoodies, music doesn’t buy Jack Skellington halloween thongs, and music doesn’t buy overpriced vinyl.

Imagine that, though, if music could actually buy music? *mind blown*







3. The FBI

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OK, so the FBI isn’t a retail company, and this isn’t what we would call advertising in the traditional sense. Although, it is advertising for them, by somehow trying to justify the banning of encryption on cell phones. Which is ironic coming from a government department that encrypts EVERYTHING. The few things they don’t encrypt, have to be FOIA’d at enormous arbitrary fees, and when you get your documents a year or two later, they are so redacted that you can’t even read a word. James Comey is an idiot, and he gets special idiot points for actually using the teenage slang term “FOMO” in the exact same speech.











4. Kohl’s

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Obviously, this social media intern has never exercised a day in his or her life. First off, when you exercise, you get a boost of energy, so you would technically be “strong TODAY”. As soon as the endorphins wear off, your muscles then become sore, which would usually happen the next day, so you would be “sore TOMORROW”. Although, if you’ve ever been inside of a Kohl’s, the store layout is so illogical and spread out that you probably would be sore that day trying to find whatever out-of-season clothing that you were looking for.







5. Pearle Vision

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This is a classic attempt at “clickbait”. But, two things:

-When posting clickbait, you are supposed to put the answer in the ARTICLE, so people have to CLICK to find the answer.

-Even though they posted the answer right by the question, many people still answered wrong, thus proving that most people comment on articles without ever having read them fully. Damn, you all really DO need some glasses!















Now, dear companies: if you are actually going to pay money to sponsor these idiotic ads, then at least put some semblance of creativity in them. It can be done, trust me. If I wanted to see narcissistic, histrionic, lazy drivel, then I’d just read the status updates in my news feed!

Till next time…


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