1. 2nd Amendment Supporters
Just like this guy’s daughter, the 2nd Amendment was born under a (Constitutional) hit-and-run. It was hastily added along with nine other amendments in 1791, due to the very real threat of British redcoats storming our brand new country. Nowadays, the 2nd Amendment is mostly invoked by neo-con gun nuts whose gun caliber size of their favorite firearm is higher than their IQ.
Anyway…so what exactly is the point of this shirt? This is something that members of ISIS would seemingly wear, since they actually do murder their daughters’ significant others when they disobey them. But no, us Americans are nothing like those savages! If I saw someone actually wearing this ridiculous shirt, I would laugh hysterically. “Wow, you have a beautiful daughter, a gun, AND a shovel? Well good for fucking you, buddy! Was the shovel on sale?”
I’m not trying to be Captain Obvious here, but if you are making a shirt, you should probably edit the design for spelling errors, especially if it only has FIVE MOTHERFUCKING WORDS. Goddamn, this is frat boy fashion at its finest! “Fucking A duuuude, check out this sweet shirt!”
I’m not the smartest guy around, but if I remember correctly, vaccines don’t contain any poison at all. They contain weakened strains of the virus that they are intended to vaccinate against. Hmmm, who would wear this atrocity of a shirt? I don’t know, but if I ever saw someone wearing this, I would put on a TYVEK suit and a respirator as I slowly walk the hell away.
4. 2nd Amendment Supporters
And here’s another fun one from our antisocial friends over at 2nd Amendment Supporters! “Born, Raised, & Protected By God Guns Guts (and) Glory”? So, which one taught you to shoot a gun? Let me guess: the gun taught you to shoot a gun. And, which one gave birth to you, and raised your snot-nosed ass from a baby to your painfully awkward high school years? Spoiler alert: it wasn’t the fictional character in the sky. I’m sure there’s plenty of guts though, this is a 4XL hoodie after all!
Do you want to know the scariest part about all of these shirts? These all appeared in my Facebook news feed as sponsored posts, which means that their wacky algorithms seemed to think that I would actually LIKE these screenprinted pieces of shit! Hey, Zuckerberg: get it together, man! I do have a crude, juvenile sense of humor, but these are painfully stupid even for me!
Till next time…