STUPID THINGS THAT SHOW UP IN MY FACEBOOK NEWSFEED

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I don’t know about the rest of you, but I tend to get sponsored advertisements in my Facebook news feed that are the complete opposite of what I would be interested in. Church ads? Nope, I’m a happy agnostic. Insurance ads? Yeah, right. Stupid t-shirts that cater to the inner trailer trash in all of us? OK, I may be interested…

This shirt is the pinnacle of stupidity, though. It is brought to us by the fine people at My Gun My Right (seriously, that is the name of the Facebook page. If these assholes could literally marry their firearms in a legal ceremony, they probably would, especially since they can’t find any willing humans to cohabit with). I literally burst out laughing when I saw this on my news feed. Then, I decided to devote 5 minutes to completely debunk the “claims” on this shirt, and explain why it is so stupid.

1. “We Love Freedom”

In the past decade, our freedom has been increasingly curtailed, through expansions of the Patriot Act and other laws designed to monitor internet and cellphone usage. All this in order to stop “the terrorists”, who I’m sure are probably smart enough to use proxy internet connections and burner phones.

2. “We Drink Beer”

This is a true statement, as is also “We Take A Piss In The Morning”, and “We Prefer Not To Think For Ourselves”. But, the actual rate of beer consumption in the U.S. has dropped slightly, and we are only the 14th highest country in per-capita beer consumption. Who is #1, you ask? The Czech Republic, of course. Those damn Commies!

3. “We Eat Meat”

Approximately 5 percent of the U.S. population claims to be vegetarian. A small number to be sure, but one that has increased considerably over the past few decades.

4. “We Own Guns”

Here is one stat where we truly do shine. The U.S. does have one of the highest rates of private gun ownership. We also have the highest rate of imprisonment in the world. Cause and correlation? Nope, not at all. Keep flashing those guns, tough guys.

5. “We Speak English”

When you go to church and start blabbering in tongues, does that still count as “English”? Sure, we speak English. We also speak dozens of other languages. Way to brag about something that people learn to do at the age of one, dipshits.

6. “If You Don’t Like That Move!”

I like to move it, move it…I like to move it, move it…

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