FACEBOOK TO OFFER “DISLIKE” BUTTON

Mark Zuckerberg has recently announced that Facebook will offer users the option to “dislike” posts on their news feed. As if Facebook isn’t nearly hateful enough already…this should be interesting. Anyway, I have some user interface suggestions of my own:

-If you comment on another person’s spelling errors, your comment must be grammatically correct as well or you will get laughed at by 100 emojis.

-If you use a hashtag, you must use it in a coherent and relevant fashion. No more stuff such as #Mondays #really #suck #and #so #do #hashtag #sentences #that #are #typed #like #this.

-A limit of 5 memes per day shall be strictly enforced. If they are religious or political memes, then there will be a 3 per day limit.

-Why the hell does the “poke” option still exist? No one used it when Facebook was in its beta stage and used by hundreds of people, and not a single person out of the billions of users nowadays uses it either. For an ultra politically correct society that wallows in victim culture, the “poke” option seems like a curiously misogynistic and obsolete throwback from the relatively enlightened 2000’s.

-If someone is lurking on your page constantly, then a pop-up will appear notifying you of the virtual stalker.

-Any profile picture that uses camera trickery such as photo filters or flattering angles that are used to make you look more attractive than you do in real life will now have a disclaimer next to it.

-Sponsored articles will have a new and improved algorithm that actually takes into consideration what the user is interested in (as opposed to, let’s say, University of Michigan Wolverine fans getting sponsored articles about Ohio State).

Do you have any other suggestions? Let me know!

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