The 10 immutable laws of parenting, V2: toddler edition

#1. Your new alarm clock will be a child screaming at the top of their lungs. Unfortunately, kids don’t come with snooze buttons.

#2. Anything that can be climbed on, will eventually be climbed on.

#3. If you make an attempt to totally childproof your home, your child will just rip the carpet from the trim…

#4. ..or make artwork by drawing on the floor tiles.

#5. When making a meal, always make as twice as much as your child will eat, because half of it will end up on the floor. Or in their hair.

#6. “Reverse engineering” is a term that was made when noticing how toddlers will take apart anything and attempt to put it back together.

#7. When going for walks, be prepared to stop and look at everything. On walks, cars are to toddlers as trees are to dogs.

#8. If your child attempts to read a book by eating it, this is apparently normal. They call it “learning by osmosis”.

#9. The word “no” means, in their mind, “go ahead and do it anyway, Dad is too lazy to get off this couch and prevent me from doing this!”.

#10. Any housework or projects will now be assisted by your little helper. Hell, I wrote this article on my smartphone with my 22 month old jumping on the couch next to me!


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