Religion

BOOK REVIEW: “Ruthless: Scientology, My son David Miscavige, and Me”, Ron Miscavige and Dan Koon

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Imagine you had a son who had the power not only to entirely control every facet of your life, but to also have the power to control all of your immediate family members and relatives. Then imagine living under this power for over two decades. Now, imagine that you finally escape this control, only to find out that your son has spent hundreds of thousands of dollars paying private investigators to watch your every move, and to find out that your son could care less if you live or die.

This isn’t fiction about a father’s worst nightmare, but a true story about Ron Miscavige and his life in Scientology, where his son David Miscavige has been the “church” leader since founder L. Ron Hubbard died in 1986.

For anybody unfamiliar with Scientology, this book is sure to be an enthralling read. The official “church” policies (which, to this day, are denied by Scientology representatives) of disconnecting and isolating families, verbal, financial, and physical abuse; manipulation, and other cult-like activities, will undoubtedly be disconcerting. These policies are nothing new, and were written and practiced by Hubbard during his reign. Under David Miscavige’s leadership, however (his preferred title being COB, for Chairman Of the Board), these policies have been practiced to such an extent that Scientology has lost many members, including such prominent ones as Mike Rinder, Marty Rathbun, Leah Remini, and Jenna Miscavige Hill who is David Miscavige’s niece. The few members that are left are under a constant cycle of fundraising for new buildings that are basically Potemkin villages, and doing whatever it takes to remain in David Miscavige’s good graces (which, you will learn, is an impossibility).

The book does a good job detailing the basics of Scientology, including the various organizations (“orgs”) that are under their control. Ron Miscavige comes across as a flawed but sympathetic person, who has no problem admitting his faults as well as what he perceives as the positives of Scientology. He has seen it all, from being a lowly Sea Org member living in austerity, to working with such people as John Travolta and Tom Cruise. He is an accomplished musician as well as a former U.S. Marine, and he comes across as a common sense person who is heartbroken by the way that things have turned out with his family. The “suppressive person” policy in Scientology has ruined thousands of families, and it has even ruined the family of the leader of Scientology.

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A recent poster for the Sea Org, a Scientology organization that Ron Miscavige was in. I’m sure anyone with a pulse who is willing to sign a symbolic 1 billion year contract would automatically qualify.

For those already familiar (as I was) with Scientology, this book won’t have too many surprises, as many of the stories of abuse have been written about by other members. It is, however, a fascinating look into the mind of David Miscavige, and Ron Miscavige even alludes to his son being a psychopath at the end of the book, but he doesn’t directly say it, and I’m sure that’s because Scientology has more lawyers on retainer than they do actual “church” members at this point. He also writes that he forgives him, so one can gauge the inner torment that Ron Miscavige is going through. It is obvious that he didn’t write this book for fame or money, but for an inner conviction to expose Scientology for what it truly is, and to help save some families going through the same things in the process.

I definitely recommend this book to anyone who is interested in the inner workings of Scientology.

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Exclusive interview: God comments on the Starbucks red cup controversy

Starbucks red cup

Well, here we go again. Despite the fact that it isn’t even Thanksgiving yet, we have people complaining about Christ being taken out of Christmas. This time, the controversy is over the fact that Starbucks’ new holiday cup is a minimalist red, and doesn’t feature the words “Merry Christmas”, or feature the Starbucks logo being crucified on a pair of coffee stirrers.

Since I have interviewed God a couple of times already for this website, I figured I would reach out to him again to get his viewpoint on this whole thing. He was gracious enough to reply, and here is the transcript of our interview:

Good morning God, and thank you for agreeing to be interviewed again.

No problem, I’ve just been busy putting up Christmas decorations here in heaven. It’s an endless job, you can only imagine the square footage of this place. Seriously, you can only imagine.

I imagine. Anyway, as you are aware, Starbucks just came out with a red coffee cup for the holidays. Are you also angry about it?

Hey, I couldn’t care less. It’s a coffee cup for Christ…I mean, my sake. The same people who complain about this are probably the same people who are too cheap to tip the baristas when getting their lattes.

Should we be celebrating Christmas in all aspects of our fast food culinary experiences? I mean, we could have pictures of a manger on our Taco Bell Crunchwrap wrappers, or we could have Christmas ornaments in every McDonalds Happy Meal.

No, we shouldn’t. The fact that we are even having this conversation is a shameful indictment on how politically correct our society has gotten. No matter what we do, someone somewhere gets offended.

Here’s a good story: Once upon a time, there was a large group of people who got offended over any secular references in their society, and the people in charge systematically banned and outlawed anything that didn’t refer to their religion. Guess who that group of people was? That’s right: the Taliban! I’d like to think the American people have more common sense than those idiots, but then again I’d like a lot of things that I probably won’t get.

Fair enough. Do you even like Starbucks coffee? I always pictured you as a peppermint mocha kind of deity.

No way, it’s either a double shot espresso or GTFO.

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW: God comments on the SCOTUS gay marriage ruling

Hey, it even says it in the Bible, people. Just substitute

Hey, it even says it in the Bible, people. Just substitute “on rainbow layering picture apps” for “in the clouds”.

I may be a unknown amateur journalist, but me and God have a special relationship. Not the one where I speak in tongues while blindly giving him 10% of my paycheck, but the one where I can randomly call on him for interviews regarding current events. This week has been a historic one in the realm of U.S. Supreme Court rulings, and is also historic in the sense that the internet has been swathed in rainbows, as if the ghost of Liberace suddenly discovered HTML color coding.

We all know God is a busy entity, what with the whole omnipresence thing, but he was gracious enough to grant me a short interview regarding the SCOTUS ruling on gay marriage.

Good morning, God. Thank you for granting me this interview, I imagine you are eager to set the record straight on a few things especially since so many people are speaking on your behalf.

Hey, no problem. I’ve been doing nothing for the past few hours but solemnly shaking my head at all of the people who profess to know what I believe. That, and setting up my new Keurig coffee maker. These K-cups are the greatest thing since…well, me, of course!

Agreed. Coffee is a wonderful thing, indeed. Now, what do you have to say about the Catholic Church representatives who believe that gay marriage is a threat to the institution of the church?

Well, it is a fact that the Catholic church is becoming less popular each year. In fact, the United States has had a 4 percent drop in their Catholic population since 2007. Is it because of gay marriage? Is it because of priests who have latent homosexual tendencies and have a strange fixation on altar boys? Is it because Catholic church services have all the excitement of watching paint dry on a wall? Who knows.

But wouldn’t you agree that homosexuality is an unnatural thing? Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve, right?

Here’s an interesting fact: Homosexuality is not uncommon in the animal kingdom. Mammals, birds, fish, even congressman Aaron Schrock, are capable of homosexual behavior. It has been documented in scientific (ooh, I hate the S word!) studies for decades now. Even though we have hundreds of species that are capable of such behavior, we only have one species that is capable of hating homosexual behavior. Ironically enough, that species is called Homo Sapiens!

So, what is your advice to all of your followers who are offended by this SCOTUS ruling?

Hey, you gotta live and let live, man. The institution of marriage has been around way before Christianity and other organized religions. In fact, homosexual behavior has probably predated the institution of marriage itself. Don’t worry about other people’s behavior, worry about your own instead. Human beings are an amazing group of people once they get past all of the sexual insecurities and hypocrisies. As for me…”I will choose free will!” -sings in Geddy Lee falsetto

Well, thank you for the interview. Enjoy that coffee, you’re going to need it this weekend.

Anytime. I always make time for my followers, and for people with obscure blogs. Peace out.

L. Ron might be setting up shop in the D

Now remember: this is Detroit, so I want even MORE video cameras in this building than usual! And remember to lock up the E-Meters each night, goddammit!

“Now remember: this is Detroit, so I want even MORE video cameras in this building than usual! And remember to lock up the E-Meters each night, goddammit!”

Scientology, the only religion thus far that requires members to sign a 1 billion year contract, purchased the former Standard Savings building in downtown Detroit back in 2007. Now, there are rumors that they intend to turn the building into a Detroit headquarters, and they have proposed renovations to the building. Man, wait until they run into all the crazy “wogs” on the east side!

Seriously though, Scientologists are wacky. Even more wacky than most other organized religions (and I use the term “religion” VERY loosely). I have extensively researched them, and I know as well as most people that Scientology is predicated on nothing but bullshit. If you join, they will eventually bankrupt you and attempt to disown you from your own family. And if you actually decide to quit, they will continually harass you for the rest of your life. Unless you are a celebrity, in which case they will just happily accept your money, since they love celebrities even more than TMZ.

Back in my college days, I wrote a paper on Scientology, and being the awesome student that I was, I decided to get some first hand research. The closest Scientology building was in Farmington Hills, so I got three of my friends to go up there with me.

Picture that: 4 tatted-up hoodlums randomly walking up into the Church of L. Ron Hubbard. The guy who answered the door didn’t seem to be fazed, though. In fact, he actually gave us a short tour and showed us a half-hour video on the history of Scientology. It’s safe to say that WE were creeped out a lot more than they were of us! Then again, if you can put up with crazy shit like the RPF, I guess you can handle anything.

I ended up getting an A+ on the paper (this was when South Park showed their infamous Scientology episode, so Scientology was all over the news at that point), and I continued to follow the exploits of Scientology ever since then. One thing I do know: the last thing Detroit needs is a bunch of Scientologists running around, so let’s hope that their plan to open a headquarters downtown gets rejected. Besides, in a city that has approximately 90% black residents, do they really want a “religion” whose founder was a well-known racist? My guess would be no.

Love for the Bible turns into libel

Jesus Christ has an ubitiquous presence on Facebook, despite having the obvious setback of being a deity with no conceivable way to use a computer (unless he is one of the lucky few that got chosen by Google to beta test Google Glass). Now, his father was a hard entity to get ahold of, but after countless e-mailing back and forth, I finally got ahold of God to shed some light on this matter.

Thank you for granting me this interview! How do you feel that your son is constantly wasting his time on Facebook? I mean, aren’t there more important things for him to be doing?

You’re welcome. I am a BUSY deity, as I’m sure you can imagine, but I have a few minutes of down time as I am waiting on my microwaveable burrito to finish cooking. Now, to answer your question: I have a major problem with it. This is not my son on Facebook, these are imposters using his name in vain. I’m pretty sure that Jesus would not post things like this:

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I mean, COME ON! Ministry work, my angelic ass. This is nothing but a popularity contest for underpaid interns with minimal grasps of Adobe Photoshop. Although, I previously answered this question in my #1 best-selling book:

Deuteronomy 5:11
“You shall not misuse the name of the LORD your God, for the LORD will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name.”

Wow. So, from what you’re saying, this is actually some of your followers making libelous statements. I’m shocked though, I’ve NEVER heard of ANYBODY misinterpreting the Bible. 

Oh, it happens much more frequently than you would imagine…

I was being sarcastic.

Ahh, I see. LOL!

Anyway…so what do you think of these two pictures? Do Facebook likes really have a direct correlation to one’s faith in Christianity?

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OMG, those pictures piss me off. First off, who the hell are these self-righteous “Jesus Daily” blasphemers? I’m sure that my son would never associate with these fools. But, to answer your question: Yes. One must have a minimum of 150 Facebook friends, and a mean average of 10 likes per Facebook status, in order to be let into Heaven.

Wow, looks like I better strengthen my online presence then, huh?

(both of us end up laughing, cheesy 1970’s cartoon style)

Well, that wraps up the interview. Thank you for your time, and enjoy that burrito.

Peace out.