Exclusive interview: God comments on the Starbucks red cup controversy

Starbucks red cup

Well, here we go again. Despite the fact that it isn’t even Thanksgiving yet, we have people complaining about Christ being taken out of Christmas. This time, the controversy is over the fact that Starbucks’ new holiday cup is a minimalist red, and doesn’t feature the words “Merry Christmas”, or feature the Starbucks logo being crucified on a pair of coffee stirrers.

Since I have interviewed God a couple of times already for this website, I figured I would reach out to him again to get his viewpoint on this whole thing. He was gracious enough to reply, and here is the transcript of our interview:

Good morning God, and thank you for agreeing to be interviewed again.

No problem, I’ve just been busy putting up Christmas decorations here in heaven. It’s an endless job, you can only imagine the square footage of this place. Seriously, you can only imagine.

I imagine. Anyway, as you are aware, Starbucks just came out with a red coffee cup for the holidays. Are you also angry about it?

Hey, I couldn’t care less. It’s a coffee cup for Christ…I mean, my sake. The same people who complain about this are probably the same people who are too cheap to tip the baristas when getting their lattes.

Should we be celebrating Christmas in all aspects of our fast food culinary experiences? I mean, we could have pictures of a manger on our Taco Bell Crunchwrap wrappers, or we could have Christmas ornaments in every McDonalds Happy Meal.

No, we shouldn’t. The fact that we are even having this conversation is a shameful indictment on how politically correct our society has gotten. No matter what we do, someone somewhere gets offended.

Here’s a good story: Once upon a time, there was a large group of people who got offended over any secular references in their society, and the people in charge systematically banned and outlawed anything that didn’t refer to their religion. Guess who that group of people was? That’s right: the Taliban! I’d like to think the American people have more common sense than those idiots, but then again I’d like a lot of things that I probably won’t get.

Fair enough. Do you even like Starbucks coffee? I always pictured you as a peppermint mocha kind of deity.

No way, it’s either a double shot espresso or GTFO.