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A week inside Donald Trump’s White House

Keeping track of all the stupid things that Donald Trump does is, quite literally, a full-time job. Remember when complete news cycles were devoted to former President Barack Obama wearing a tan suit, and Michelle Obama wearing sleeveless blouses?

Well, here is what has happened this week in the White House and Donald Trump’s administration. For perspective, keep in mind that a week is approximately two 72-hour news cycles:

The Coward-In-Chief told us on Twitter about how he could pardon himself and his family (six months into his presidency!), and he STILL thinks that disclosure of publicly available information constitutes a “leak”:

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He appeared at the commissioning ceremony for USS Gerald Ford, where he gave a speech where he bragged about himself and whined about the media, just like he does during all of his speeches to the military.

Trump fired his long-suffering press secretary Sean Spicer, who had become notorious for banning videocameras from press briefings, his ridiculous statements, and his many fashion “faux pas”…

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…and replaced him with longtime friend Anthony Scaramucci, who promptly called chief of staff Reince Priebus a “fucking paranoid schizophrenic”, and said that the chief strategist Steve Bannon “sucks his own cock”. To reiterate, the White House Director of Communications called the New Yorker to tell a reporter this in an on-the-record interview.

What wasn’t as newsworthy, however, is the fact that Scaramucci may make a massive profit for his ownership stake in SkyBridge because of a White House loophole letting him avoid a capital gains tax. The disclosure of his publicly available financial forms regarding this made Scaramucci so mad that he went on Twitter and threatened the “leaker” with prosecution. Apparently, he must have read a U.S. Government Civics high school textbook immediately afterwards, because he then deleted the tweet.

Not surprisingly, Chief of Staff Reince Preibus (whom Trump derisively called “Reincey”) was fired the next day. His replacement is John Kelly, who was formerly Trump’s Secretary of Homeland Security, and who used to be in charge of the notorious Guantanamo Bay military detention center.

Speaking of press briefings: press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders took propaganda to an entirely new level when she read a letter from a “9 year old” named “Dylan”, with the nickname of “Pickle”, during a press conference:

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I don’t know about you, but this seems ridiculous and implausible. Most nine year old children have much higher writing skills than this. The purported letter, which was “mailed”, never even had any creases on it. Donald Trump also has a long history of creating false aliases to spread his fake news, which have a Wikipedia page dedicated to them. And, let’s not forget that Vice President Mike Pence has a cat named “Pickle”.

Donald Trump gave a speech at the Boy Scout Jamboree, which drew parallels to Adolf Hitler and the Hitler Youth for its political rhetoric. Trump, who was never a Boy Scout, encouraged the crowd to boo Barack Obama, who actually was a Boy Scout. Not only that, Trump mentioned sex, swore, bragged about himself, lied about others, and actually told the crowd of kids that he thanked them for the support during the election, and asked them to support repealing Obamacare.

Of course, the current president of BSA is Randall Stevenson, who is also the CEO of AT&T, which stands to profit immensely if the Trump administration approves their merger with Time Warner. To be fair, it is a longtime tradition for current presidents to speak at the BSA Jamborees, but there is nothing traditional about how the Trump administration have conducted themselves.

The GOP-created Trumpcare was defeated THREE times in Congress this past week: full repeal, modified repeal, and “skinny repeal”. It is off the table for now, but Republican health care legislation is like a zombie: eventually it’ll come back to life to try and scare us all…

Trump repeatedly bragged about the rising economy, despite only being in office for 2 financial quarters, and despite not passing any legislation that would directly or indirectly affect the economy. He also bragged about the Chinese company Foxconn promising to build a factory in Wisconsin. Of course, Foxconn has made these promises for years, but ultimately reneged.

Foxconn is probably most notorious for being such a tough place to work, that they had to install suicide nets at their Chinese headquarters to help deter demoralized and overworked employees from killing themselves.

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At this rate, the overworked and demoralized White House is going to need suicide nets of its own…

Donald Trump’s son-in-law Jared Kushner was summoned to the Senate Judiciary Committee to provide testimony regarding Russian collusion. Since he wasn’t sworn under oath, Kushner was able to lie repeatedly. However, Trump’s son Donald Trump Jr. and former campaign manager Paul Manafort are also due to testify in front of the Senate Judiciary Committe.

Not surprisingly, Trump defended Kushner in what he terms a “witch hunt”. Somewhat surprisingly, he actually used his 11 year old son to make fun of the FBI investigation on Twitter…

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Which is pretty pathetic, considering Donald Trump has spent more time golfing this year than he has spent time with his son Barron his entire life…

In fact, Donald Trump has golfed more times this year than most presidents spend their entire terms. Unlike other presidents, however, Trump owns his own courses, so the U.S. government and taxpayers actually pay him to golf.

In other news: Donald Trump, who has lived his entire life acting as if he is above the law, who is an accused rapist, who currently has open lawsuits filed against him for sexual assault and unpaid wages, who is currently under FBI and New York state attorney general investigation, who has literally worked with Italian and Russian mafia members, who was sued by the Department of Justice for racism, and who has committed financial fraud on a massive scale…

stated his support for law enforcement in their efforts to stop the MS-13 gang.

Of course, his “support” for law enforcement does not extend to his own administration. The most powerful LEO in the U.S., attorney general Jeff Sessions, has been publicly ridiculed and repeatedly demeaned by Donald Trump in hopes that Sessions will resign. Not to mention Trump’s continual libel and slander directed to current and former LEO’s in the U.S. intelligence communities, especially the ones that are currently investigating Trump in the Russiagate investigation, including Robert Mueller.

His counselor Kellyanne Conway said that ethics filings discourage potential government employees (maybe because the Trump administration HAS no ethics?). She also complained about White House leakers, despite the many rumors that she is the main senior staff member gossiping to the media.

Trump went to Youngstown, Ohio, to waste our time and money giving another rally. Why does he still give campaign rallies? To boost his fragile self-esteem? Who knows. He did say that it “broke all records”…but the venue he spoke at only has a 5,900 person capacity, so it sure wasn’t a crowd record he broke. Maybe it set a record for the most amount of lies ever spoken in Youngstown? Who knows…

If all that isn’t enough, the Coward-In-Chief announced on Twitter that he would ban all transgendered people from serving in the military.Untitled

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Take a look at the timestamps on those 2 tweets.

There is a NINE MINUTE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THEM. The entire U.S., not to mention the U.S. military (who Trump had NOT spoke to, despite his claims), and much of the world, actually thought that the United States was declaring war on another country! But nope…it was just a draft-dodging dingleberry deciding to tell actual servicemembers that they cannot serve in the military.

He didn’t tell them during a press conference. He told them on social media.

Unsurprisingly, the military immediately released a statement contradicting Trump’s orders, which said that transgendered people are allowed to serve until further notice…

In the meantime, the White House itself is being run by overworked junior staffers who are incapable of writing propaganda above a 5th-grade reading level. Here is what the White House reads (literally, this is what they tell us they read):

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So…to summarize, the White House thinks preparatory work is actually newsworthy (the contractors protesting the bidding process, however, WAS newsworthy), they think illegal border crossings are capable of “crashing” instead of falling or decreasing, and they even quote the insufferable Michelle Malkin speaking about Internet “net neutrality”. I’m not quite sure how net neutrality would have U.S. Constitutional challenges, considering the Internet wasn’t even around in 1787. If you ask me, the White House should spend more time reading the U.S. Constitution, instead of ridiculous opinions from irrelevant people.

And, to top all of this off, a Reuters poll released 3 days ago states that Donald Trump only has a 35% approval rate, and a 59% disapproval rate.

Anyway, I’m sure this isn’t even the full list of stupid things that Donald Trump has done this week. But, if you want to see more stupidity for yourself, here’s Donald Trump’s Twitter page.

Just be prepared for ignorance and hypocrisy on an “unpresidented” scale…

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Here is definitive proof that Donald Trump is a traitor

If this doesn’t convince you, I don’t know what will.

To clarify: The ONLY thing that our President Of The United States has liked on Twitter so far in 2017, is a Fox News article where Al Franken “thinks (Jeff) Sessions committed perjury”.

It seriously blows my mind that Trump continues to expose himself on Twitter. To this day, you can go on his Twitter page and find dozens of seriously suspect tweets from years ago where he directly contradicts himself or makes himself look like an insecure idiot. 

Now, it can’t be called “fake news” if he writes it himself, can it? Here’s another fun one:

What’s so funny, you might ask? Well, the fact that Donald Trump wrote this in 2012, and the fact that he has now apparently decided to appoint Jon Huntsman as Ambassador to Russia. Trump must not care if Huntsman were to “give our country” to Russia; in fact, it completely goes along with the Russian complicity narrative that his administration has been surrounded in.

For all of the talk about “extreme vetting”, someone needs to vet Trump’s Twitter feed (and Sean Spicer’s Twitter feed too, he is possibly the most incompetent user of social media that I have ever seen). Or not…it is all quite amusing, I suppose…

President Obama gets his own Twitter handle, the internet subsequently implodes

President Barack Obama finally has his own Twitter account. Not the usual kind that most politicians have where the admin is handled by some intern with minimal social media experience, but one that is actually handled by the most important figurehead in the world (sorry, Pope). Of course, with social media comes tidal waves of ignorance and idiocy. I have gathered some of the the tweets sent to him:

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Oh, I’m sure it did, Rae, I’m sure it did. I mean, POTUS is such a common acronym. It could have meant President Of The Universal Studios, it could have meant Pizza Or Tacos, Usually Supreme…hell, I don’t exactly know what was going through that curiously elongated head of yours. I’m just glad you FINALLY figured it out, there IS hope for the younger generation after all! Now get off my lawn with that dangnabbed smartphone thingie.

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Another case of celebrities who think their political opinions are somehow more valid than anyone else’s. No Clint, I don’t agree with you. Just off the top of my head, I would say George W. Bush’s dubious second presidential win was a bigger fraud, just because it was actually, you know, investigated for voter fraud. There were no such accusations when Obama was elected.

Plus: Watergate, the Vietnam War, the second Gulf War, MK-ULTRA, the Patriot Act, illegal DEA seizures, illegal FBI wiretaps and harassment….etc, etc.

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Ummm…what the hell are you talkin bout, Rev? Is this supposed to be like the show Jackass, where Obama would run around doing practical jokes on people?

Because THAT WOULD BE AWESOME.

And “letting” someone become Vice President? That doesn’t sound like a relevant or exciting storyline, I’m going to have to pass on that angle. I’ll try to greenlight at least one episode though, it has potential.

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Oh sure Ejike (and thanks for the phonetic spelling of your name, I’m sure it comes in handy for the one or two people that actually know you and have to pronounce it), lets act like biker gangs are the next coming of the Gangster Disciples. Yeah, I wouldn’t fuck with the Bandidos, the Hells Angels, or the Mongols, but let’s be real: 99% of bikers are dorky weekend warrior types. That’s why outlaw bikers call themselves the 1%.

Somewhat like when “enlightened” black people call themselves the Five Percenters and think they are better than everyone else in the world.

Wait…it’s not like that at all. See how bad percents are? #StopPercentViolence #BanAllPercents #StopUsingHashtagsSoMuch

Now, I’m sure MOST people are aware that President Obama doesn’t actually READ most of these tweets, and that he also has other people running this account for him. And, of course, there is the fact that the Secret Service will trace any suspicious tweet faster than a policeman needlessly discharging their firearm. So, let’s try to keep it classy, Internet. Save all of the truly racist and hateful garbage for where it belongs: Facebook comments. And Reddit…yes, some people actually still use Reddit.